I Broke

I’m ashamed to admit it, but I broke today at 3pm.  3 to 7pm are the scary hours for me.  The anxiety started building up by 1pm. I got so stressed by 3 that I went for the sugary treat and diet coke.   I’m going to have to learn to deal with stress in a better way.    

So I have start over.  That sucks.  But I’m going start over with a better plan for the afternoon hours this time.  To that end, I’ve scheduled an appointment for 3pm tomorrow so I’ll be busy and out of the house.  I’ve also scheduled drinking a glass of water ever hour between 3 and 7 to ward off temptation.  I’ll be so full on water there won’t be room for anything else.   If it gets really bad, I’ll have to go for a steam.  That always takes away my appetite. 

So tomorrow, Day 1 again.  Here I go!

I’m Back!

My back was bothering me last week so I took the week off from exercise.  I felt like it was about to go out but the time off did it’s job.  I also took a week off recording what I ate.  That, unlike the break from exercise, was a big mistake,   I’ve been on a sugar binge.  That’s right, I’m talking pie, cake, cookies, you name it, I’ve eaten it in the last week.  Pizza also came into play.  I’ve also gain back 3 pounds.  Yes, I ate a SHIT LOAD of sugar. 

But today  is a new day and a new month.  It’s June 1 and it’s Day 1 of NO SUGAR.  I’m finally going to do it.  I’ve committed to 30 days of no sugar.  I’ve heard it’s 30 days to a new habit and I’m figuring the intense cravings won’t subside quickly so I’d better do the 30 days.  I’m giving up all baked goods, bread, pasta and white rice.  I’m also giving up wine, which is very high in sugar.  Dear God, help me. 

You might wonder how it’s going so far.  It’s okay, but I figure I’m still living off the sugar fumes from the previous 7 days.  I’m also taking a break from the gym and doing my exercising at home this month.  I’ve been getting bored so this will provide a much-needed change of pace.  Don’t think that means I’m slacking off, though.  Today I took a 2 hour hike, which kicked my ass. 

Right now, I’m terrified about what tomorrow will bring.  I fear the sugar cravings like someone else might fear withdrawal from heroin.  But there’s only one way out of this and that’s by going through it.

The Season Finale

The weight loss percentages were unbelievable at the finale.  Some people still have a way to go and then others, like Sherry, definitely don’t need to lose more weight.  When Sherry was up on the scale, she reminded a lot of Helen from last season.  I was surprised that someone was able to lose more than her percentage of 45.41%. Melissa was obnoxious as usual, but she looks good.  Frankly, I’m just glad she and Lance didn’t win the $100,000.  Koli did.  America may not have voted him into the finals but he lost enough to take the at-home prize.

In the end, the heaviest woman ever on the Biggest Loser, Ashley, squared off against the heaviest contestant ever, Michael, for the grand prize.  Michael took home the gold by going from 526 to 262 pounds.  He lost 264 pounds, more than half his body weight.  I can’t even believe that’s possible, but there he stood, a whole person smaller. 

My totals are not so big but I’ve made progress.  With a starting weight of 252.5 pounds and weighing in currently at 225 pounds, I’ve lost a total of 27.5 pounds.  Unlike the contestants on the Biggest Loser, I’ll be back tomorrow with more news on what’s next.  The season hasn’t ended for me!

Wake Up!

I spend part of my life walking around half asleep.  Today I received another wake up call.  A friend let me know that she’s been diagnosed with thyroid cancer.  Now, this girl is  in her early 30′s, not an age when you expect to fight a life threatening disease. 

When I was young, I naively believed there was a natural progression that happened in everyone’s lives.  But, as I’ve experienced the world, I’ve become very aware that this is simply not true. 

I don’t know why some suffer illness at a young age, why some people survive and others do not.  I don’t know why I was fortunate enough to be born in the United States, a place where opportunity is abundant, while others live in relative poverty.  I only know that, whatever life presents us with, we have the choice to be bold and courageous.  It’s not the easy choice.  But I hope that, as I grow wiser, it’s the choice I make more often.  Barbara Kingsolver wrote something that expresses everything I’m feeling right now.  I hope you are as inspired by it as I am.

“Every one of us is called upon, probably many times, to start a new life.  A frightening diagnosis, a marriage, a move, loss of a job…And onward full tilt we go, pitched and wrecked and absurdly resolute, driven in spite of everything to make good on a new shore.  To be hopeful, to embrace one possibility after another – that is surely the basic instinct…Crying out:  High tide!  Time to move out into the glorious debris.  Time to take this life for what it is.”

Barbara Kingsolver from High Tide in Tucson

 

I will be back tomorrow with a report on the finale from the Biggest Loser and my results to-date.

Workout with Tunde

Tunde offered me a complimentary workout today and I really learned some things.  For one, if you’ve got a weak back and it hurts your back instead of your stomach to do sit ups, like me, he has the solution!  He had me lay down on top of a foam roller, aligning the roller down my spine.  Then I did the sit ups.  It took all the pressure off my spine and I was able finish 3 sets of crunches and leg lifts without back pain!  It’s the first time I’ve EVER been able to do that.  He’s a genius!  Try it, you’ll be amazed.

Also, do 3 sets of every exercise instead of 2.  Whenever I venture out into the weights, which isn’t often since I’m intimidated by them, I usually do 2 sets of each exercise.  He took me through 3 sets of each.  By the 3rd set my muscles were definitely worn out. 

So that’s it, folks.  A few tips from the Amazing Tunde!  Go forth, lift and grow stronger! 

Oh, I almost forgot to mention that he measure my fat again.  I’m down another 3%!

Tough Week

It’s been a tough week.  This is the week that I lost my dearest friend, Rick, 6 years ago.  Some people, though they are gone from our life, never leave us.  Rick was a one-in-a-million and I still miss him. 

The feeling of losing someone who’s integral part of your life is not something you can explain.  To spend hours, days, years getting to know and love someone and  then POOF, to have them taken from you, without warning and way too soon, is devastating.  I have learned to appreciate what is left behind.  I have learned to appreciate how lucky I was to have known him.  But I have never learned to stop missing him. 

So right around May 22nd every year,  I’m especially sensitive.  Yesterday I decided to cry at the gym.  Decided is not really an accurate word to describe what happened.  Actually, I couldn’t stop myself from crying at the gym and had to leave before I even worked out.  I went home and went back to bed.  I haven’t done that in a very long time. 

But today was a new day and I got in a good workout.  Rick loved me, he told me so often, not only words but actions.  He would have wanted the best for me.  I try to remember that on my bad days.  It’s easy to remember the bad stuff about ourselves.  There are certainly plenty of people willing to tell us what’s wrong with us!  But I hold in my heart the memory of a man who ALWAYS told me what was RIGHT with me.  And that’s something I’ll always treasure.  Thank you, Baby.

Final Four

The final four went home for 30 days and that’s where the rubber hits the road, baby.  It’s hard to take new habits and give them a spin on your home ground, where all the bad habits began and took root.  But they’ve had over 4 months and sooner or later we all have to face our past. 

Koli got home and then ran away again to Vegas.  Unfortunately, he still ended up in the bottom 2 with Daris.  Of course, losing 13 pounds is a lot different from gaining 2 over a month.  It was hard watching them plead their case to be in the final 3, especially when Daris broke down.  But, no matter who ends up in the top 3, no matter who ends up the Biggest Loser, they are all winners.

I lost 1 pound this week.  Obviously I would not have made the final four but I feel A LOT better than I did 19 weeks ago and my journey continues on until I reach my goal.  To date I’ve lost a total of 27.5 pounds. The contestants have all been home now for at least another couple of months.  Next week we’ll see the results from their time at home.  Everyone be sure and tune in, it should be good!

Play YOUR Game

At one point when I was playing tennis Friday, I rushed to hit a ball back across the net.  Nels reminded me to “Play your own game.  Take your time.  Don’t let anyone rush you.”   That hit me like a ton of bricks.   How many times have I rushed to make a decision, rushed to purchased the latest gadget, or even rushed to cross the street and then tripped and fell because of it?  Too many times to count.  I am always adjusting my “game,” my life, to accommodate or “keep up” with other people. 

Playing someone else’s game at the expense of my own has never gotten me anywhere I really wanted to be.  I’ve always ended up at a dead-end and wondering what the hell happened to my life.  I’m assuming some, if not all of you, have been there at one time or another.  So today, I’m taking the time to explore what I want for me and my life.  I’m giving myself the day to review my priorities and examine whether they really are MY PRIORITIES.  I invite you all to do the same.  You’re worth it!

Tennis Anyone?

I just finished taking a tennis lesson.  A friend of mine used to be a pro so he gave me a tutorial – on the court in his backyard.  It was beautiful, but it’s been 20 years since I hit a ball so I was a little nervous.   Surprisingly, Nels told me I’m a natural – and it felt natural!   How lovely to have something come naturally.  Not that there isn’t technique and work involved but I had so much FUN! 

I’m incorporating FUN into my workouts.  To put it another way, I’m incorporating fun activities into my new lifestyle.  You’d think it would be easy, but it takes a real effort to think outside the box I’ve been living in.  It also takes a lot of energy and sometimes I get TIRED. 

 I’d say over 50% of our lives are filled with habits.  We do things without any thought or effort.  So when we step outside our routine, it takes a lot of energy.  More than anything, it takes energy to beat off the fear of the unknown.  However, once we get past the walls we’ve put up, we discover new life, joy, endless possibilities.  I felt that joy this morning as I wacked the tennis ball across the net!  So, get out there and have some fun, take a chance.  You’ll be surprised by the sheer joy you’ll experience along the way.

Not all Treadmills are Created Equal

The first workout I did on the new treadmills was TOUGH.  I was trying to get up to my usual running speed of 6 and 6.1, but couldn’t make it.  Thinking it was all in my head, and that I was wimping out, I tried again 2 days ago and had a small hurling incident.  Thank God I made it to the bathroom. 

So yesterday I gave it one last try.  I put my speed up to 6 and, after the first minute, I was feeling some serious PAIN.  Not the good kind.  So I got off and asked Caroline at the front desk “What’s up?”  Turns out, the new treadmills give a tougher workout than the old ones.  Something about the smoothness of the ride makes it more difficult.  Well, ride’s the wrong word to use.  There’s no riding on a treadmill.  It’s more like a journey of 1000 steps through the Sahara desert!  So my new top speed is 5.5 and I’m happy to report it hurts in a good way!!!!